Travis Stewart's Weblog

Back Online.

travisstewart — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:15:27 +0000

Its been a long time since I’ve updated this blog. I figure its time to start working on things for myself, and stop worring about things for everyone else. I just need to get my life on track, everything else right now is extra. I’m working alot, sometimes 40+ hours a week, and trying my best to skate as much as possible, and get better and better everyday. Now that I’ve got my skates from Razor and SDSF, I’m skating better then ever. Eeveryday is more and more fun, and everyday is another chance to learn more tricks and explore myself to see as far as I can go. This weekend, I’m headed up to Seattle to do a little boot scooting, and skate the Elements of rolling comp. Should be alot of fun. Back to work for now, I just need to keep updating this, and hopefully I will.

-Trav

This tide will shift so quickly…

travisstewart — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:46:16 +0000

Two days. Just forty-five hours. Everything is different. So much has changed. So much is backwards. So much right, and so much wrong. I’ll write more later, i have alot of work to catch up on for missing yesterday and part of the day before. I just know that I’m happy that your here with me Angela. We’ll figure it all out. We have years to do so.

Ok, so continuing. Basically, this is how my living situation is going. Ell has moved in with me. Thats really it. Her family is so fucked up. I can’t even start to explain, when someone tells you your better dead to them, your so fucked up in your head you wont even know what to do. It really really sucks. Baby, I’m not going anywhere, i know everyone els has, but I’m not walking away from you. I’m done with this blog, things like this just make me angry for no reason. Sorry.

-Trav

Circles in the sky.

travisstewart — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:35:01 +0000

Somedays, it feels like an endless loop. Up, down, up down. Somedays good, somedays, ready to end it all. I need to find my medium, and I need to find it fast. I’m alive, I breath, I have feelings, I bleed. Inside human, outside, human. Pressure to be a machine, pressure to lose imperfections, pressure enough to crack. I feel the stress from a thousand sides on a six sided contest between so many forces. Work, life, home, Ella, Skating, Friends. Binding me in every direction. I’m ready to crack, I’ve passed the point of no return in life. Its honestly do or die. I feel I’m forever at my limits with everything and everyone. I act like an idiot, more often then not. I know my flaws, and i try to make them better and remove the deep cuts I’ve bared my whole life. You make me stronger Ell, a better whole, then the half I was for so long. I’ve dropped some of those these pressures and fought against others. Friends, gone. The were never real, well, a large portion of them at least. Skating, I’m just pushing myself more then ever. Really, if this is gonna happen, I need to be there in one year, or it will be to far gone. Work, yelling at your boss isn’t the smartest thing ever, but I do it. When your this unhappy, you just kinda don’t care. I tried to set my home thing straight, but we’ll see. Life as a whole was so bad for so long, its hard to just up and leave it all be. Everyday, I’m a little closer to my findings, a little closer to the end that I’m seeking, but I still feel so very alone in my quests. I know my light, my torch, my love will be here. I know things are hard, but it will only make us both stronger for this. I hope you wait for this ride to stop and continue to rest of the journey with me. As far as myself, i just need to keep moving. If you stop, you die. If you die, then you have nothing else. You just leave everyone, and everything. I’ve walked that bridge at night, stood on the rails, looked down below. Angela, I will never step that high again. Promise.

-Trav

Deception, not just a pass.

travisstewart — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 13:46:02 +0000

There are somethings in this fine land that make me mad. People out there who will lie straight to your face for no fucking reason. And really, i don’t get it anymore. I’ve been civil, I’ve gone out of my way, I’ve been the bigger man, but still, you just have to deceive me. Really? why the long shadow behind you, what are you hiding? I’ll be honest for a minute. I can’t stand anyone out here on the Best West Coast. Your all a bunch of two faced cowards, and everyday I live here I learn a little more about just how weak you are. I just wish you weren’t all such, well, cowards. Thats really it. And you know, I think I’m just a little bigger then you. Just a little bit.

RIP.

-Trav

Oregon. I bid thee Farwell.

travisstewart — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:28:00 +0000

After previous events, i will be leaving Oregon. I have had the most that i can take of this god forsaken place. I love the scenery, the highs, the lows, the air, the sea, the mountains, the greenery, but all good things don’t always have a silver lining. Oregon has no sense of togetherness, no common goal, nothing i want. It all seems like a sham. It’s like you live a lie and that lie changes from person to person. I have met very few real people here. I feel like an empty shell of what i used to be from the raw shallowness everyone expresses. Its shitty. The further i drove, the worse it got. I’m just ready to leave, but the only problem is, i don’t know where to go. All i want in this world is this woman Angela. She is the sun, the sky, the breath i can’t live without. I don’t know if she wants me near her when she’s doing what she needs to do. I would walk a thousand miles in the other direction if she asked me to. I just need her to ask, she said she wants me there, but i really want the truth. Like, yeah, yes, here, or not so close, let me do my thing. I love you Ell.

My friends, or uh, lack there of. After moving here to Portland, i’ve never really had “Friends” like i did in Florida. In Florida, i had people outside of my rollerblading stuff, but here, i don’t have anything but my skating, i’m just alone, alot. Alot of nights here in my room, editing, filming random things, editing photos, watching nothing. Ell, she and her friends are just about it for me. Everything else just revolves around skating way to much. I wish i had that connection, and really, i’ve only found a small, like 2 or 3 people collection, or people i have ever opened up to. I feel emotionally destroyed, and secluded to the world. I’m so ready to break. I almost can’t handle it. But then i take my steps back, and know that i have Angela, and it makes everything a little less massive.

So no the questions start to arise…where do i go from here? Well, i got a few ideas, but it looks like i’m headed south. As long as you want me there, i’ll follow you till the end. But i need to know. I’m hoping to find direction, to find that bond, some people i can trust beyond the length that i can throw them. I need friends, not knives. Especially not in my back. It hurts to deep. I’m done with that. I’m hoping to go with one of the only people i can trust, my friends Megan and Toby to to Cali in september, and if not, then maybe with my bro Sean, but really, i’m a burden, and i don’t want to bring anyone down. I just want to go, and really, i’d be so stoked to stay with Megan down there, but if she already has plans, i’m not going to mess with them. i just hope something happens, because oregon, I’m already gone.

-Trav

The World At Large…

travisstewart — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:59:47 +0000

I read something this morning. Something deep. Something wrote from the pits of hell. I read someone pour their soul out on this digital document. I read something my girlfriend wrote to a friend. Something deep, with depths that no man made creation could fathom. I remember feeling things inside of me, terrible things. Things that made me think, things that my my eyes water, things that made me mad. Real mad. Specifically the last thing i read. Something no one should ever have to live through. I remember wanting to find that person and wanting to let them know what they have done, by force. I may never be able to show them that, but i want her to know, the past has happened. Nothing will change that. But the present, what you have shown me, is the most incredible thing that most anyone has done for me. You open your heart and your soul to me, and for that, I will be forever greatful. Thank you, to the single most important, single thing in this whole world that I want. I love you.

-Trav

All Roads Begin…

travisstewart — Sun, 11 May 2008 19:15:04 +0000

So, It all starts again. Renewed, bigger, better, better filming, better living situation, better all around. Two years since i released my first rollerblading film, “Forever Unseen”, i’m starting this little quest all over again. 200 hours of footage, countless miles and restless nights, thousand of jokes, stories, adventures, hundreds of dollars spent. This is the story of the last two years of my life since I finished the last movie and kept filming. To many day-in-the-lives, tons of endless park sessions, and beyond anything else, the quest of self discovery along the way. Late Summer 2008.

-Trav

This Woman I Love…

travisstewart — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 05:15:34 +0000

This is back dated, but this is the day we started it all. 4-6-8. Thank you, for being everything i could ever ask for, and more then i ever thought i could find.

-Trav

I <3 Ella.