Circles in the sky.
Somedays, it feels like an endless loop. Up, down, up down. Somedays good, somedays, ready to end it all. I need to find my medium, and I need to find it fast. I’m alive, I breath, I have feelings, I bleed. Inside human, outside, human. Pressure to be a machine, pressure to lose imperfections, pressure enough to crack. I feel the stress from a thousand sides on a six sided contest between so many forces. Work, life, home, Ella, Skating, Friends. Binding me in every direction. I’m ready to crack, I’ve passed the point of no return in life. Its honestly do or die. I feel I’m forever at my limits with everything and everyone. I act like an idiot, more often then not. I know my flaws, and i try to make them better and remove the deep cuts I’ve bared my whole life. You make me stronger Ell, a better whole, then the half I was for so long. I’ve dropped some of those these pressures and fought against others. Friends, gone. The were never real, well, a large portion of them at least. Skating, I’m just pushing myself more then ever. Really, if this is gonna happen, I need to be there in one year, or it will be to far gone. Work, yelling at your boss isn’t the smartest thing ever, but I do it. When your this unhappy, you just kinda don’t care. I tried to set my home thing straight, but we’ll see. Life as a whole was so bad for so long, its hard to just up and leave it all be. Everyday, I’m a little closer to my findings, a little closer to the end that I’m seeking, but I still feel so very alone in my quests. I know my light, my torch, my love will be here. I know things are hard, but it will only make us both stronger for this. I hope you wait for this ride to stop and continue to rest of the journey with me. As far as myself, i just need to keep moving. If you stop, you die. If you die, then you have nothing else. You just leave everyone, and everything. I’ve walked that bridge at night, stood on the rails, looked down below. Angela, I will never step that high again. Promise.
-Trav
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