Oregon. I bid thee Farwell.

After previous events, i will be leaving Oregon. I have had the most that i can take of this god forsaken place. I love the scenery, the highs, the lows, the air, the sea, the mountains, the greenery, but all good things don’t always have a silver lining. Oregon has no sense of togetherness, no common goal, nothing i want. It all seems like a sham. It’s like you live a lie and that lie changes from person to person. I have met very few real people here. I feel like an empty shell of what i used to be from the raw shallowness everyone expresses. Its shitty. The further i drove, the worse it got. I’m just ready to leave, but the only problem is, i don’t know where to go. All i want in this world is this woman Angela. She is the sun, the sky, the breath i can’t live without. I don’t know if she wants me near her when she’s doing what she needs to do. I would walk a thousand miles in the other direction if she asked me to. I just need her to ask, she said she wants me there, but i really want the truth. Like, yeah, yes, here, or not so close, let me do my thing. I love you Ell.

My friends, or uh, lack there of. After moving here to Portland, i’ve never really had “Friends” like i did in Florida. In Florida, i had people outside of my rollerblading stuff, but here, i don’t have anything but my skating, i’m just alone, alot. Alot of nights here in my room, editing, filming random things, editing photos, watching nothing. Ell, she and her friends are just about it for me. Everything else just revolves around skating way to much. I wish i had that connection, and really, i’ve only found a small, like 2 or 3 people collection, or people i have ever opened up to. I feel emotionally destroyed, and secluded to the world. I’m so ready to break. I almost can’t handle it. But then i take my steps back, and know that i have Angela, and it makes everything a little less massive.

So no the questions start to arise…where do i go from here? Well, i got a few ideas, but it looks like i’m headed south. As long as you want me there, i’ll follow you till the end. But i need to know. I’m hoping to find direction, to find that bond, some people i can trust beyond the length that i can throw them. I need friends, not knives. Especially not in my back. It hurts to deep. I’m done with that. I’m hoping to go with one of the only people i can trust, my friends Megan and Toby to to Cali in september, and if not, then maybe with my bro Sean, but really, i’m a burden, and i don’t want to bring anyone down. I just want to go, and really, i’d be so stoked to stay with Megan down there, but if she already has plans, i’m not going to mess with them. i just hope something happens, because oregon, I’m already gone.

-Trav

~ by travisstewart on June 16, 2008.